Managing Conflict Successfully

Your Honor, butt out.

As a parent, I feel I can relate with other parents the awkward emotions that rise up when someone attempts to parent your children. Pretty much the same when someone tries to micromanage your parenting. Have you ever had a mother-in-law try and take over burping duty? Or have a lingering family member telling you how to change a diaper? What about a stranger imposing themselves to assist a fussy infant? Talk about not helping the situation. I already have to fight my personally demon of "will I be a good dad" without your interjections.

Parenting is one of those life fulfilling responsibilities that you are thrown into. I have personally not come across someone that was completely prepared for it, regardless of the financial success or education up to. I will not fall under the delusion of the perfect family that seems to be portrayed on social media, either. Parenting falls into the unknown window of our visual representation. In other words, parenting is a crapshoot. We don't know what kind of kid(s) will fall on our lap and we do not know how we will behave in particular situations. It's a 24 hour job with multiple factors waiting to catch you off guard. Hard to bet on what you are going to roll.

Aside from perhaps attempting to accomplish this job with your significant other, why we would we accept anything more than commentary from the peanut gallery. And just thinking of that makes me cringe. Just cause you've been down this road does not make you the designated driver when it's my car and I'm ultimately responsible for the passengers. If that means I have to make mistakes that maybe others don't, I will own that. I will learn from that. I will manage myself on this journey. As my three year old baby brother says it best, "Let me do it!"

Imagine my discomfort upon having children, getting divorced and this far enduring an ongoing parenting battle with not only my ex, but also involving a legally appointed judge on the matter. It's disgusting and intrusive. Not only do I have to deal with my personal influences within my support circle and family structure, throw in the ex and whatever influence she's under, and add an egotistical judge that has sacrificed so much time and money to supposedly educate himself to be able to determine what is in the best interest of my children. Imagine someone who has not even met or sat down with your kids, yet has to take a double-edged, biased argument and make an impartial judgement on it all in the sake of what is in the best interest of the children. Um, not possible. That's before throwing in the argument of gender roles, discrimination, manipulation, and whatever legal tactics gets thrown at them. How dare we allow this third party, with their own agenda, to mix in with our parenting?

Parents, whether together, separated, long-distance, if there's only one of you or four, I strongly urge you to resolve your differences, communicate, and figure things out amongst yourselves. Do that and then do it better. Work on it and work on it some more. Do your best to set your ego's aside, find your common ground that is the love of your children and try to make decision for them together. Figure out what works. There is no one way path along this journey of parenthood.